How to Love...

No girlfriend, not the Lil Wayne song... 

Many of us don't really know how to love or what it is. I know I know, we've been "lovin" all of our lives right? Shoooot, we go way back to giving out Valentine Day cards in Kindergarten. (Some of y'all might have to think back a little bit further than others.) I digress, but the easier of the two questions to answer is what love is. Webster defines love as an intense feeling of deep affection, a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone, a personified figure of love, often represented as cupid, a friendly form or attraction to. The definition goes on and on through different explanations. However, not one time is God mentioned. Can you believe that? Webster had the audacity to mention Cupid but not God!!! That alone is indicative of the skewed perception we have developed of love. Understanding love is important because it is one of the most important commandments. Matthew 22:37-39, Jesus explains that of the greatest commandments the first is to love God with all of our heart, mind, and souls and secondly that we should love one another as we love ourselves. This is difficult to do if we do not truly understand the concept of love as God intends. 

What is Love? 

Well, sis, GOD IS LOVE. 1 John 4:8 clearly states, "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." So in order for us to know what love is, we must know God. They are one in the same. Building a relationship with, and studying the Word of God for who He is, is the first step to knowing what love is. We have to know who God is. I'll assume we are all on the same page there. So let's dig into the concept of love. It is difficult for us to understand the concept of love because we are not very knowledgeable regarding the principalities in which it was founded.  The first misconception about love is that it is based on a feeling, attraction, or an action. When we go to explain the love we have for someone or something, it is based on how the person treats us, what has been done for us, or how the object makes us feel. If we review the verse previously stated, we can see that there is not an action involved. According to the word, love is not what God does, it is what He is! Therefore, love is not based upon an implied action here. Are there people in your life that you would still "love" if they could never do another thing for you? Be honest with yourself. If your love would leave with whatever actions caused it, then that, my dear is not love. 

The type of love that we display is mercurial, meaning it has the capacity to change from day to day, moment to moment, or situation to situation. We are inept to fall out of love or withhold love based on conditions. Our love is conditional. It is founded upon the conditions that are present. God's love is the exact opposite. It is unconditional. Paul rhetorically asked the Romans "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?" (Romans 8:35) Sis, there is nothing that will make God stop loving us. The closest example that I have seen to unconditional love is that in which a parent has for a child. Despite what the child does, who they become, how many times they mess up, the parent still loves the child. The love for the child is without condition; it doesn't matter whether times are good or bad or what happens the love is still present. It is not so much based on a circumstance. This is similar to the love God has for us, but nothing actually compares. 

How to Love

John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."  To turn love into an action that we are able to express we must know how to do so. This scripture gives us direction in that God defined his loved in that He gave something (or Someone). Love is evident in what we give. The greatest love as displayed here was a sacrificial gift. It was given without the expectation of receiving something in return.  We may give or provide for someone we love, as long as it doesn't hinder us...as long as we don't have to sacrifice our own desires. Wow... Keep in mind that these are material possessions that you are withholding from those you love for your own comfort, when God gave His son. In essence, this type of expression says, I love you as long as it doesn't cost me anything. The Word of God tells us however to love each other as He has loved us. Put yourself in Abraham's shoes. (Genesis 22:1-9) What if God told you to sacrifice your only son? Would you question Him? Would you hesitate? I mean, you love your son too much right? Abraham didn't. He prepared his son to be sacrificed without questioning or doubting God because he loved God more and understood that His expression of that love was in his sacrifice. But just as He placed his son on the sacrificial altar, God stopped Him. Abraham had been tested and He found favor with God. He was willing to sacrifice something he loved to be obedient to God. God doesn't even require you to sacrifice those you love, but usually things that can be replaced or acts as free as hugs as expressions of love.

Romans 5:8 says, "But God commendeth his love towards us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Hold on while I shout.......!!! Not only is the love that God has for us sacrificial or without expectation, but it is given in spite of. Although we were sinners and undeserving, He loved us anyway. The word says God has loved us with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3) This is the very essence of a display of unconditional love. Love is given regardless of how you view a person, what they are capable of doing for you, or how they make you "feel". Despite how undeserving you believe the person is of your love, you are still called to love them. Love, like many other Christian attributes, is based on a decision more than a feeling. God loves us even when we don't deserve it and have wronged Him. In our pursuit of righteousness, we are to do the same for one another. Most folks haven't betrayed us nearly as much as we have betrayed God. 

Matthew 4:43-48 calls our culture out on the practice of the saying love your neighbor and hate your enemies. But Jesus says here that that doesn't make you special. He actually says in verse 46, "If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even tax collectors doing that?" In essence, He is saying that even the worse of the worse (tax collectors were pretty bad back then) love people who love them, but as Christians we are called as always to go a step further. We are to love those that persecute us, that talk about us behind our backs, that are low down to us. If given the opportunity we are to help them and at every opportunity we are to pray for them. That's tough, huh? It may take some practicing but God can soften your heart. He can assist you in not speaking a bad word about those that have wronged you even when you are fully capable of doing so. This pleases God and brings Him glory; when we began to love people as He loves us. Remember sis, it isn't optional. We are talking about eternal life.

More discrete instruction on love is given in one of the most widely used passages regarding love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is a clear list of instructions on how to love and just as with all other scriptures we are not at liberty to select which ones we will abide by or which ones will relate to us. Love is all of these things, not just the ones we feel we are capable of doing. 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Here is my explanation of this verse: Love doesn't get mad when others don't do what we want, when we want them to (it's patient). Love is nice, it doesn't have a smart mouth or an attitude all the time (it's kind). Love is not jealous of what people they love have (envious), it doesn't brag on what it has done for it's loved ones (boastful), and it isn't so prideful that it can't ask for help from those it loves (proud). Love doesn't talk behind people's backs or lie to them (dishonor), it doesn't look for how it can benefit from the relationship (self-seeking), and it doesn't stay mad or get mad at any little thing (easily angered). And when someone does mess up, although love might remember it, they won't bring it up in the future because they aren't keeping record of it. Love doesn't purposely hurt others or cheat, it looks forward to doing the right thing. It looks out for others, it trust that they will do the right thing no matter what, and if they don't do the right thing, loves keeps on loving. Love doesn't stop loving...ever. 

I have sacrificed and given up things that I worked hard for for someone I love. Yes, it was difficult but I knew that it was what God told me to do. I've actually sacrificed quite a bit and you know what... everything that I gave up, has come back to me greater than before. To God be the glory! For the sake of love for God and love for others, be obedient to Him. Not all love will require you to sacrificially give, but most of it will.

Soooooo.... about all of that love you have??? Is it really love or is it lust? Lust looks a lot like love but it is actually based on attraction, a feeling, or an action. Ironically the very things we tend to define love with, are the adjectives used to define lust. Lust is a tool of the enemy to deceive us. His ultimate goal is for us to only be in lust with Jesus and each other so that we are not in the will of our Father. Remember, lust changes, love doesn't. Lust is based on circumstances and emotions, love isn't. Love is not easy by far, but it is possible and it is required to get to heaven! If you'll recall earlier we discussed how Jesus said this is one of the greatest commandments. It's pertinent that we get it right. Our lives depend on it. The easiest way for us to show the world the love of God is for us to love one another. Like...really love.  Remember love is a decision. Lust is more of a feeling. 

NOTE: It is important to add that many Christians have a common misconception about love that coincides with the level of relational interaction. I have encountered those that believed that I did not love them because I chose not to deal with them. Just because you are a Christian, commanded to love all, doesn't mean you also have to be a push over. You can certainly love someone unconditionally, just as Jesus does, without dealing with them personally in a close proximity. Jesus loved everyone, but not everyone was chosen to walk closely along side Him. Not everyone that Jesus loved was chosen as a disciple. There is a difference in loving someone and trusting them, and we are given godly wisdom to decipher between the two. So be wise, just because you love someone, it does not entitle them to run a muck in your life, making you quick to anger and pulling you away from love Himself; God. There are people that I do not talk to daily or would go out of my way to spend an excessive amount of time with, but I love them.  Love keeps no ill will in the heart. With Him, it's possible to love everyone. I've been there. We are called to love everyone, not like them! :) It's not an option, sis. It's a commandment. Now stop being nasty to people and do better!

With love (and I mean it),
-Kimyatta 

Daily Prayer: God, please soften my heart and teach me how to love others as You love me. Show me the error of my ways and help me to be an example of love to everyone. Give me the patience to love others unconditionally and forgive me for those I've failed to love thus far.

Scripture to Study: The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. 1 Timothy 1:5